This Time of Year

I (Amanda) have been working through an interesting set of emotions this holiday season. I have been trying to find the best way of expressing them and I have decided on a list.

Joyful - I really like the winter holiday season. I am very much a winter person and I love the food and the parties and the warm feelings it inspires. Matt and I have traveled almost every winter we've been here and that was something we really enjoyed this year as well.

Grateful - Most people have heard about how I shot down Matt's initial suggestion to move to Russia short term. Looking back at three and a half years of being here I have never been more grateful. God has given us everything we could have ever wanted here. We have friends who I love more than I am able to express and we have community that is completely irreplaceable. We started our marriage here and have fallen deeply in love with St. Petersburg as a city. I'm also looking back on at least two years teaching all of the students I have in class this year and I love the connections and relationships I have with them.

Deep Sadness - It is incredibly painful to go through the things I love most about this season and think "this is the last time." I don't have a good response for when people tell me it's sad that we are leaving; I feel no desire to come up with something to make it sound more pleasant because it is deeply sad to me as well. We are weighing the options before us and trying to do what is best, but it does not make doing it any easier.

Searching - It is surprising how similar the situation we now find ourselves in is to where we were four years ago. Once again we are looking for direction without a lot of certainty as to what that will mean. We both feel that we must return to the US, even if only for a while, so we are looking for how to best answer that calling and praying God will show us a path to follow.

So thank you to everyone in the many countries in which we have family and friends. You have blessed us in many ways and it is the relationships we have with you that make this time of year so special (and so poignant) for both of us.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!